I think today I shall not write.

Changing my goal from 100 stories in 100 days to 100 stories in a year.

Mar 09, 2023

open book on brown wooden table — Photo by Yannick Pulver on Unsplash

Yesterday I didn’t write a story. I probably won’t write one today either, or at least not finish it. I do have a story in mind, but I feel like the story a day project has come to the end of its usefulness to me.

I wrote 37 short stories in 37 days, which is an extraordinary feat for me. I usually squeeze out about two stories a year and I’ve never before put my short stories online or submitted them to magazines. But in the last month and a bit, I’ve written in different genres, from a sci-fi story set on a generation ship to flash fiction body horror to non-fiction about my dad going to prison. I’ve written in different styles, from epistolary to instructional to dark fairy tale. I’ve written itty bitty 100 word stories up to a 5457 word story in a day.

I could still salvage the project by writing two stories today, or three stories tomorrow, and thus the end result would be the same. But I’m not going to.

Why I’m not sticking to 100 stories in 100 days

I’m tired.

Despite writing every day I haven’t quite formed a habit. Most days I ignore my writing alarm and procrastinate, leaving it until 10pm or later to start writing. Thus most of my free time is spent being aware I should write but not actually doing it. It’s difficult to change a lifetime of not having habits, and it’s difficult not to stress when I see the hours ticking away knowing I still haven’t written the required story. I can’t relax.

I don’t want writing to be a chore.

I imagine doing anything consistently means that thing will occasionally be a chore. There’s been a few times when I’ve initially pushed myself to write and then I’ve reached a flow state, or else mulled over a piece in a way that feels comfortable. Now I’m getting to the point where it feels more often a chore than not, and that doesn’t sit right with me.

I want to feel satisfied.

In the last couple of weeks most of the stories I’ve put up have been under 1000 words. I don’t hate most of them (a concise piece of writing is cool) but I generally don’t find the process of writing something so short to be satisfying. It means flinging out a cool idea without actually dwelling on it and without digging down into characters and the level of intimacy you can get from longer stories.

There are also several stories I’ve written that I have zero interest in. They were just written for the sake of meeting my target. Why clog up my substack with that? Just because a story a day looks impressive?

There are other stories I really liked, but rushed to get them done. With everything I’ve written so far, the most editing I’ve done is reading through the story once and tweaking a few words here and there. It’s not very satisfying to throw something out into the world without refining it.

I want to read more.

I guess I have limited mental energy in a day, and both reading and writing takes up that energy. I wish it didn’t, I wish I could be someone who is as comfortable with a book as I am with mindless TV or games, but… I’m not. There are a whole bunch of short stories on Substack that I want to get around to reading, as well as the billion novels on my to-read list. Since I started this project, the only time I did a fair amount of reading was while I was on holiday.

I want to actually engage with other writers more as well and get out of my own head a little.

Have I achieved what I set out to do?

Somewhat.

Obviously I’m not going to be writing 100 stories in 100 days as originally planned, but does that mean I’ve failed?

Instead of the literal metrics I want to look at the broader purpose I mentioned in Can I write 100 stories in 100 days?

I’ve proven to myself that I’m capable of writing regularly.
I have written over 46,000 words, and I have played around a little with genre and style, as previously mentioned - all of this has added to my unquantifiable writing skills. God, I wish it was quantifiable though. I’d love to just stick a number on it and say “I am level 16 in writing, level 3 in juggling, level 0 in leaving the house.” Even the stories I wrote that I hate have at least helped me realise what I hate.
Has it helped combat my perfectionism? I’ve temporarily swung the other way by putting up stories that fall way short of what I think I could do with an idea, but I don’t know yet how it’s affected me long term.
It’s made me feel good about myself! Even if its not 100 stories (yet) it’s nice to look back on the stories and think: I did this! Me! Yay!
I’ve shared my stories with strangers and I haven’t been cast into the pits of hell for arrogance or whatever other unnameable fears I have that make sharing things difficult.

The Future

Right now I’m planning to write 100 stories in a year instead, which leaves me with 63 stories left to write. There’s every chance I will procrastinate to write those as well!

I will aim to publish two stories a week and to continue doing a Sunday post on things I’ve read and enjoyed. I might skip doing any more stories this week so I can chill and have a think about what I want.

I might still write flash fiction, but I’d like to write longer short stories (3000+ words) that I can get my teeth into. Somewhere down the line I’d like to take a stab at a novella or something interactive, but I’d need to mull over that more.

I’m supposed to write these posts with a sense of certainty and enthusiasm and positivity, aren’t I? Or else be vulnerable and honest, but in an elegant, relatable way. I don’t think I’ve hit either note.

How do you, dear reader, find the right balance when it comes to writing, or any other hobby? When something starts to feel like a chore what do you do? Are you now going to try to write 100 stories in 100 days so you can be a WINNER?

Excess Reality

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